Mornings

Every single morning has a pattern since I've been a drunk.  This morning was worse, because my husband woke me up when he came to bed at 2 a.m.  Not that I mind; we had a really hot fuck.  I love it when he wants me like that.

I wake up late for work, sometimes still drunk, most of the time hungover.  I don't wake up with the alarm; Adam does.  After several snooze button intervals, he will finally physically push me out of bed.  I walk to the bathroom, pissed.

I stick my head under the bathroom sink faucet and drink.  When I do this, I can feel water rushing everywhere it's needed:  it soaks into my brain, my lips, my eyes.... everywhere that last night's alcohol and peeing marathon had dried up.  I take about 12 17 gulps of water (edit: I actually counted this morning).  Sometimes I wake up at 4 a.m. just to do this.  I will drink from the faucet three or four times.  Usually, I flush the toilet or something first and run the tap for several seconds so the water gets glacier cold.

I put in eyedrops.  I don't look in the mirror when I undress.

I stand in the shower until I'm not freezing anymore before I start washing my hair, etc.  I let out a few gutteral coughs, my throat sore from alcohol sugar and cigarette smoke.  I become thirsty again, so I open my mouth under the spray of the showerhead. 

I get out of the hot shower and stand, freezing, in a towel wrapped around my shoulders.  I drink from the sink faucet again. 

I try to find clothes that still fit.  I'm down to about four outfits I can still wear.  I try to hide my midsection.  I layer my clothes to cover the massive cleavage I have now.

I try to cover the bags under my eyes with makeup.  I try to make my face look thinner with my blush.  I tie my hair back because I don't feel like fucking with it.

It sounds weird, but saying good bye to Adam is my favorite part of the morning.  Not the saying good bye part, the seeing him part.  He smells so good when he's still in bed, and we kiss, and I put my lips in his hair, and he grabs my hand.  "Have a good day," he always says, half asleep.  "I love you so much."

I get to work late, sneak in to my desk, and continue to chug water until it's time to go home.  I don't usually pee for the first time until after lunch.  Other than that, I'm the image of perfection while I'm at work. 

When I come home, everything starts all over again.  "I'm so glad you're home," says Adam, as I wrap my arms around him.  We talk about how excited we are for the camping trip, sobriety, losing weight (although he tends to cup my breasts and say, "I hope these don't shrink.").  Then we proceed to consume 4000 calories apiece in alcohol alone.  No joke -- I did the calculations.

Vodka - 1
Erin and Adam - 0                 ...like, beyond 0